The Jesse I saw was starting to appear to everyone else, and that I loved. Most nights he fell asleep before me, and I listened to the sound of his breathing, the calm evenness sending me off to sleep better than anything else could. He woke me thrice more in the night with shouts and screams, the sound of my name twisted in panic. We ran at night, ran until we were both dropping from exhaustion, and only then would he tell me what he saw.Dreams that involved my image getting mixed up with his attacker had mostly dropped off, though they still made appearances. They were replaced, he told me, with dreams in which I was dead. Sometimes I was dead by his hand, sometimes it was unknown. He could never save me. The worst ones were where his attacker killed me, showing up in the most unlikely places; the school, my bedroom, the Priory hill, the coppiced trees in the paddock. I worried about him. But I made good on my promise to myself. I swallowed every horror, absorbed all the crap that. "They do this because they believe it helps the a****l have more frequent bowel movements, which, in turn, they believe makes the females produce more milk and makes the males work harder." "You're telling me that the people of Botswana eat their cows and bulls asses?" Jenny asked before a wave of laughter came over her. "They've been doing it for hundreds of years," I said straight-facedly, simply because it was true. The things one can learn from reading National Geographic. "You know anyone who would do that for you?" "Not really," Jenny answered. "Josh and I broke up last week, as you know, so I won't be asking him. It wouldn't be fair to ask another guy because he might think it'll lead to sex, which I don't want to happen. I doubt my girlfriends would do it simply because they might think I'm trying to lez out with them." She remained silent for all of thirty seconds, then said, "How about you?" "Me?" I sounded so surprised by her invitation. "Sure. Why not? Aren't you always.
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